Desire Denial
by K.R. Saks
Summary: ONE-SHOT. When Sirius insists that Lily is secretly in love with James, the Marauders set out to prove that theory. James comes up with a brilliant plan: the Mirror of Erised. The mirror never lies, but Lily is unwilling to face the truth. With her uncertainty and his unwitting lie, can one mirror show Lily what she's been missing all along?


**Disclaimer: **All familiar characters belong to JK Rowling!

* * *

**Desire Denial**

* * *

Lily was trying yet failing to concentrate on her note-taking. The professor was talking a mile a minute, but Lily had a quick hand and she was used to listening to rapid speech and jotting down the key points.

But today was different.

No matter how much she focused, Lily just couldn't keep her attention on McGonagall. Instead, her ears were tuned in on the conversation taking place behind her, and rather ironically, it wasn't a conversation she was interested in hearing.

"Oh give it up, Prongs," Sirius said, his voice too loud to pass for a whisper. "She's not going to come around just because you keep staring at her hair."

James blew out a loud sigh that irked Lily even more. She heard him shift in his seat, the movement knocking down a sheet of parchment from his table. The forgotten parchment lay next to Lily's chair. "But it's been two years already. Any sane person would've already relented and given me a chance."

Lily mentally snorted. Any sane person wouldn't even touch him with a ten foot pole, much less go near him.

"Perhaps you should let it rest for a while" came the wise words of the only sensible Marauder, in Lily's opinion.

"Moony!" Sirius cried, outraged. "How could you say that? _I'm _the expert here. And from my experience, women don't like to be ignored."

She rolled her eyes. Sirius may have been a player, but women expert he was surely not. He only knew how to bat his eyelashes and get them to swoon at his feet, but once the wooing, sleeping, and swooning were over, he could hardly tell the difference between a smile of joy and a smile of annoyance.

"But you have to admit, Padfoot," James said, sounding rather melancholy and unlike his typical cheerful and obnoxious self, "Moony is more of the Lily Evans expert than you are."

Remus muffled his laughter but commented no further.

"Prongs, I seriously think the girl's in denial," Sirius said. "Just look at her! Look at how wavy her hair is. It's surely evidence of truth evasion."

Lily held back a very ungirl-like snort and attempted, once again, to concentrate on the lecture. McGonagall had already started jotting down the main points on the blackboard, which meant that at least a good five minutes had already passed in which Lily had stopped her studious writing. Barely managing to stifle a gasp of outrage at her lack of attentiveness, she quickly resumed copying the points on the board.

Behind her, Remus clucked his tongue at the direction the conversation had gone. "I really don't think hair has anything to do with whether she's in denial or not."

"No matter," Sirius said dismissively. "I firmly believe Lily Evans is in denial and there's no debating that."

"There has to be some way to check though," James mused. "If she were in denial, she had to have at least one slip-up right? But all I've received from her are sarcastic remarks and death glares, as if I'm the devil's spawn or something."

Remus laughed softly, and out the corner of her eye, Lily saw that he had shifted so he could see the board. James wasn't even aware that his parchment was gone, and a glance at it told her that there were only doodles, no notes.

"Maybe she doesn't know what she wants," Sirius guessed. He didn't seem to tire of the topic. "Oh don't look at me like that, Prongs. It's possible. Honestly. Their hearts and heads are always at war anyway."

James seemed to consider this for a moment. "So you're saying her head tells her I'm a big-headed prat and her heart says I'm a nice and caring individual?"

"You've got it, Prongs!" Sirius clapped him on the back proudly. "I knew you weren't as stupid as you look."

"That doesn't even make sense," Remus pointed out.

"Sure it does. It's a hidden desire."

"That still doesn't…"

McGonagall stopped writing and turned to glare at the three Marauders, who had yet to notice that they were now the center of attention.

"Potter, Lupin, Black," she snapped. The three stopped their squabbling and looked up, alarmed. "You three have been talking non-stop since the beginning of class. What is so important that you feel it's all right to ignore my lecture?"

James was the first to think up a quick retort. "Nothing, Professor," he said brightly. Lily rolled her eyes. How he was always able to inject so much excitement into his voice was beyond her. "We were just discussing the importance of focusing on key points when taking notes."

McGonagall's lips thinned, a sign of severe displeasure. "Interesting, Mr. Potter. And if I may ask, where are these notes that you speak of?"

"Why they're right here…" James' voice trailed off.

Lily suppressed a snicker as both James and Sirius started violently digging around for that lost piece of parchment. They finally located it, but Lily pretended to be enraptured by the notes on the blackboard. The last time she had voluntarily helped them had been a good six years ago, back when she hadn't realized just how irritatingly unresponsible the Marauders would turn out to be.

"Evans," James hissed, leaning over his table slightly. "Hey Evans."

She feigned confusion and looked around, her gaze finally setting on James. She offered him a raised eyebrow and a what-do-you-want-now expression. "Yes, Potter?"

"Can you pick up the parchment for me please?"

She glanced down, paused as if to deliberate, and then slowly reached forward and snatched it off the floor. She held it up to James' thankful expression, but when he moved to take it, she held it back and leaned closer so that her words would not be overheard.

"Sorry to disappoint you, Potter, but I have no hidden desire to elope with you off to the sunset." She smiled at his shocked expression and then turned around and focused on her notes again.

_Take that,_ she thought smugly. _Lily Evans and James Potter? Please. Give me a break._

* * *

Lily was going over her rather uneventful day with Alice when James came bounding in through the portrait hole. His gaze swept the room, and when his eyes landed on her, they brightened.

Alice lifted an eyebrow. "Is it just me or is James Potter heading towards you right now?"

"Please let it be just you," she muttered, but even so, she knew he was coming for her.

He stopped right in front of the couch and held out a hand. "Can I borrow you for just a moment?" Eyeing Lily's distrustful expression, he said, "Really, it'll only take a few minutes. I'm not going to kidnap you or anything."

"What do you want?"

James sighed. "I just want to show you something. Please?"

It was the 'please' that did her in. Lily blew out a breath and rolled her eyes. "All right, Potter. But if you try any funny business, my wand will not be held accountable for its actions."

He laughed, his hazel eyes lighting up with his good humor. "Sure. I'll hold you to it." With that said, he grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the common room, amidst the stares and whispers from the rest of the students.

Where was the Head Boy taking his Head Girl?

"Potter, we've been walking around aimlessly for five minutes already," Lily said impatiently, once she began to realize that they weren't heading towards anything in particular. They were walking along the corridors, turning corners, and heading down flights of stairs, all of which seemed to lead to nothing but another set of stairs and another corridor.

James smiled at her. "Not aimlessly. Trust me, I know where I'm going."

"Trust you?" Lily muttered incredulously.

She hadn't meant for him to hear her, but apparently, he had exceptionally good hearing. His smile faded and he stopped talking altogether, seemingly hurt.

She fell silent. They walked on, turning and going deeper into Hogwarts, towards the underground sections. If they went any further, Lily was certain they would end up in Slytherin territory. However, James didn't bring them there. He took a left into another part of Hogwarts that Lily had never seen in all her six years.

James stopped in front of a door that seemed to have been untouched for quite some time. He lit his wand and allowed the bright beam to fall on the numerous locks that barred entrance into the chamber.

Lily took in a breath. She was willing to bet her life's savings that there were ancient spells that provided protection in addition to the locks.

"Why'd you bring me here?" she asked. "This is clearly a restricted area."

He didn't answer her. Instead, he tapped his wand against the door. "This door was previously locked by ancient magic," he said quietly. "We looked through dozens of spell books to find the correct ones. It took us a month and a half to figure out how to unlock everything."

Lily blinked in surprise. The _Marauders _broke through the ancient spells locking whatever was inside the chamber? What was so special about it?

"What's in here?" She gestured towards the door.

James' smile turned wicked. "You're about to find out." He tapped the door and muttered something under his breath. The locks groaned as they clicked away and the door silently swung open.

He held out his hand and gestured for her to enter. She did so slowly, afraid to disturb whatever lay inside. It took her eyes a little while to adjust to the dim lighting, but when she was able to see clearly, she blinked in surprise. James closed the door behind him and stood off to the side, looking at the object standing in the middle of the room.

Lily glanced over at him hesitantly. "Um… Potter? Is this what you wanted to show me?"

"Yes."

"A… mirror?"

He laughed then. "Not just any mirror, Lily. It's the Mirror of Erised. It shows…" His brows furrowed and he paused, distracted for a moment.

Lily was curious. "What does it show?"

"Never mind." James grinned and tilted his head towards the mirror. "Go on, take a look. What do you see?"

She glanced at him strangely, but nevertheless stepped forward and looked into the mirror. Her green eyes widened in shock. She took in the scene before her and was alarmed when she saw the three figures smiling back at her, their happiness apparent in the way they leaned in closer to one another.

But how was this possible? She whirled around and saw James a good distance off to the side, his eyes watching her carefully.

Lily turned back to the mirror. She could hardly believe what she was seeing. There she was, ten years into the future, with her wand in her hands and her Auror badge pinned on her robes. But what surprised her was the person standing next to her and the child they were holding in between them. It was impossible. Surely it was not realistic… was it?

James came to stand next to her, not close enough that he could see the mirror, but enough so that she could hear his voice. "What do you see?"

She licked her suddenly dry lips. "What does this mirror show?"

He blinked. "Pardon?"

"It obviously isn't just a mirror, James," she said, now impatient. "What does it show? The future? Is it just a prediction?" She threw her hands into the air. "What is it?"

"It…" he hesitated. He seemed to be having a mental battle with himself. He ran a hand through his hair and then said quietly, "It… it shows the future."

Lily's jaw dropped. _Future? _It showed her future? Lily Evans had a future with _James Potter_? And not only that, she had a _child _with him? Merlin, this wasn't right. It couldn't be possible. It couldn't have been her future.

"Lily." She turned around and gasped when she realized that James had come up behind her. He was so close that she could practically feel his warmth. "The mirror doesn't lie. What do you see?"

"I… I see… um…" And then she stiffened. She suddenly realized who she was talking to and twisted away from him. "Does it matter what I see, Potter? What's it to you?"

He shrugged. "I'm curious. I assume it's nothing bad."

"No," she said adamantly. "It's nothing bad. I just saw myself as an Auror."

James was silent. He narrowed his eyes, not accusingly, but as if he were trying to figure her out. Lily briefly wondered whether he was a Legilimens or not, but then brushed that thought aside. He wasn't that smart. Not yet.

"Really? As an Auror?" He paused. "That's all?"

"Yes. That's all."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair again. This time, however, it brought a sense of weariness and defeat. Lily frowned. Had he expected her to see what she saw? Was it because he saw it too?

Lily shrugged her assumptions off. Whatever it was, she wouldn't let it bother her. It was just some stupid mirror. The Mirror of Erised. She hadn't even _heard _of it. It was probably just some Zonko's product that the Maraduers had enlarged to get her to admit that she and James had a future.

She looked up at him, her eyes hard and posture unyielding. "Now if you're done having your fun, Potter, I'm going to leave."

He gestured wordlessly towards the door.

* * *

They were already halfway through their Charms class and the substitute professor for Flitwick was _still _lecturing. She had insisted that listening to her talk was much more informative than the hands-on approach of practicing spells.

Lily was, unfortunately, sitting in front of the Marauders again. And they had once again decided not to take notes. Sirius was trying to consol James, who had apparently filled them in on the events of the previous night.

Lily, in true Lily Evans fashion, had immediately gone to the library and searched through as many books as she could after the incident. There was very little recorded on the Mirror itself, but she was able to confirm that the Mirror of Erised truly did exist. As for whether it showed the future or not, she didn't know, but if she had indeed seen a future with James Potter, then she'd rather not face the truth.

"You brought her to see it?" Sirius hissed. "Seriously? You went? When?"

"Last night," James replied, sounding rather sulky. "You guys were down in the kitchens."

"Wait, you brought her to see the _Mirror of Erised_?" Remus asked.

"Yeah…"

Lily sighed and rubbed her temples. Of all the things they talked about, it just had to be about that stupid mirror. For once in her life, she'd rather they talked about their next prank or Sirius' next conquest. The Mirror of Erised was something that she had no intention of thinking about or bringing up again.

"And?" Sirius pressed. "What happened?"

"Use your head, Padfoot," Remus admonished. "If something good happened then Prongs wouldn't be like this."

Sirius seemed to agree. "Good point. Poor old Prongsie boy is all upset." He purposefully raised his voice. "Too bad Evans refuses to do anything about it."

Lily turned around and glared. "In case you didn't notice, Black, I'm trying to take notes here. Will you please shut up so that some of us can pay attention? Thank you."

Sirius muttered an 'ouch' and said, "Prongs, your Head Girl bites."

James let out a small chuckle and then quieted. He was apparently still worried. Lily honestly wished she had brought earplugs with her. That way, she wouldn't have to listen to the incessant chatter and the information she didn't want to hear.

"So let me get this straight. She didn't see the two of you together?"

"No," James replied rather dully.

"That's impossible!" Sirius cried. "I _know _it's her hidden desire. I can practically feel it. How can you tell me that she… what, she saw herself as an _Auror_? That just doesn't make any sense."

Lily stopped writing. Had she just heard right? Hidden desire? But James had said… She shook her head. No, she would not think into this any further. Sirius was just talking nonsense like usual.

"But wait a minute," Remus said, his voice baffled. "Are you saying that Lily's deepest desire is becoming an Auror? She wants it that badly?"

James sounded hesitant. "I guess?"

"Oddly enough, I agree with Padfoot. That doesn't make sense." Remus paused to think. "Lily's smart. If she were to make something up, she wouldn't make it implausible. Becoming an Auror is her ambition, not her desire."

Upon hearing this, Lily's mind started spinning. She had heard that word too many times for comfort. Desire.

Desire, desire, desire. It was all about desire. They had mentioned nothing about the future.

Wait a minute. Did that mean she _desired _James Potter? Did she want them to have a child and become Aurors side by side? How did that even make sense? She hated James. She despised him more than she had ever despised anyone.

But that also meant something else.

He had lied to her.

She pushed out of her chair. The professor turned and stared at her in irritation, but Lily didn't pay attention to that. She whirled around and glared at James, her green eyes furious.

James looked up at her with something akin to confusion, before realization dawned on him. "Damn it."

Sirius was confused. "Prongs? What happened?" He blinked up at Lily. "What's got your knickers in a twist, Evans?"

Lily ignored him, her gaze focused solely on James, who looked to be cowering under her gaze. "I _hate _you, Potter," she snapped. "You and all your lies can go to hell."

Then she raised her hand. "Professor? I don't feel quite well. May I go to the Hospital Wing?"

The professor eyed her suspiciously, but nodded. "All right, Miss Evans."

Lily gathered her things, and without looking at the Marauders, walked out the room. She had barely taken a few steps before she heard the classroom door slamming open. A hand grabbed her arm, effectively stopping her, and spun her around.

James stood before her, his eyes wide. "Evans, please, I can explain."

"I don't want to hear it," she retorted. "I don't talk to liars."

She wrenched her arm away and continued walking, but James easily caught up to her and stepped in front of her. "Lily, I didn't mean to lie. It's just… would you… I mean, would you have told the truth if I had said you were looking at the deepest desire of your heart?"

Lily's eyes narrowed drastically. "What's wrong with having the desire to become an Auror? Why would I lie?"

He looked down. For all the times that she had known him, it was the first time she had seen him at a loss for words. Lily shook her head and walked away, leaving him standing behind her for the second time in two days.

* * *

Lily didn't know why she had come down here again. After what she had previously seen in the mirror, she honestly didn't think she wanted to look at it again. But something compelled her to step through those corridors that she had passed the night before, down the abandoned staircases and into the lower levels of Hogwarts.

She was surprised, however, when she noticed that the door was ajar. She had completely forgotten that she needed a special unlocking charm, but it appeared to be useless anyway. Either someone was already here or James had forgotten to close the door yesterday night.

Lily gently eased the door open wide enough to allow her entrance and then glanced in. There was no one in the room, save for the mirror… the same mirror that told her of the desires that she was adamantly unwilling to admit.

She hesitantly stepped forward and gazed upon that mirror once again, and like before, her breath caught. She simply would not, _could not_,believe such a ridiculous notion. For the billionth time that day, the word 'impossible' rang through her mind. It surely was, for James Potter was a player, a prankster, a git, a toerag. He was nothing more than an annoying tick, but why did the mirror show her…

Sirius' words came back to her head: _"Girls' hearts and heads are always at war anyway."_

Lily bit her lip. Was she refusing James Potter simply because her head knew it was the _right _thing to do? She slowly slid down onto the floor and hugged her knees to her chest. Her gaze remained on the mirror. How was she supposed to…

She paused, then. Was that a noise? A scuffle of shoes against the ground? Lily glanced around the room and lit her wand. Through the pale glow of the light beam, she could see no one present, but still there was the odd feeling, as if she was being watched.

"I know you're there," she said softly. "I don't know how you manage to keep me from seeing you, but…" She paused. There was a sudden shimmer of something in the air, and first his head and then his whole body appeared. He smiled hesitantly at her and cast the cloak onto the ground.

Lily's eyes were wide. "Invisibility cloak?"

James nodded. "Yeah," he said quietly. "From my ancestor, Ignotus Peverell."

If possible, her eyes widened even further till they were luminous circles. "Tou're kidding me. _Ignotus Peverell's _descendent_? _As in… the famous Ignotus Peverell?"

James just shrugged, looking rather uncomfortable. "What are you doing back here? I thought… well, I would've…"

"_Ignotus Peverell_?"

He gave her an exasperated look and showed something bordering annoyance for the first time. "Yes, Lily. Ignotus Peverell. The youngest of the Peverell brothers. The man who was granted the invisibility cloak. My ancestor. Can we please move on?"

"Oh." She cleared her throat. "Right. Sorry about that."

James rubbed the back of his neck. "I just… well, I just wanted to apologize for lying to you. I guess I thought you'd be likelier to tell me the truth if I told you it showed the future, instead of just…"

"The deepest desires of our hearts?" she added softly.

He nodded.

"And you're sure I lied."

James looked _extremely _uncomfortable now. He fidgeted and stuck his hands into the pockets of his trousers. "I hazarded a guess that you…"

She stood up slowly. "And if I am lying, what do you think I really see?"

He swallowed and tugged on his hair. "I don't know, but I hope… I'd hope that you would somehow see me."

"And why would you want me to see you?" she asked carefully.

"Because I would like it if you'd… be with me." James eyed her with a faint smile and rubbed the back of his neck. "As in… go out with me… on a date."

Lily was amused now. "You want a date?"

"I want a chance," he said. "Just one chance to let me prove to you that I'm not who you think I am. I'm not half as bad as you believe."

She stepped closer so that she was only a few paces away from him. His hazel eyes were glowing, the dim lighting making them appear almost golden. "I don't like you, James. You're a prat, a bully, a prankster, a good-for-nothing toerag. You take amusement in torturing others just for your own pleasure, and you-"

James took a step back, shook his head and held up a hand. "All right, Lily. I get it. I get the picture."

"But for some strange reason," she continued, as if he hadn't interrupted at all. "You always seem to make a huge effort when it comes to me. I truthfully don't think I'll ever understand it."

He smiled, but it was half-hearted. "What can I say? You bring out the best in me."

Lily tilted her head. "What do you see when you look into the mirror?"

"You," he said.

The response was so instant that she took a step back from the suddenness. "Me," she echoed.

James shrugged, but the movement looked sheepish. "It's always been you ever since we found the mirror."

They surveyed each other while Lily's head tried to process that information. "That's…"

"Creepy?" He chuckled. "Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry."

But she was shaking her head before he finished his statement. "No, James. It's… it's actually very sweet." She smiled then, a bright little smile that sent his heart racing. "So I've been thinking about all this, and while I'm still confused about what I want, apparently the mirror isn't."

James swallowed. "What do you mean?"

"I want to see if the mirror's right. I want to see if this," she motioned between them, "is going anywhere."

He looked like he couldn't believe his luck. His jaw was slack and his eyes wide. "You're… you're serious?"

"Of course I'm serious. I'm giving you a chance, Potter. Take it or leave it."

His smile was faint, hesitant even. But Lily saw it, in the slight tilt of his lips and the warmth in his bright eyes, that it was sincere. He gently reached out and pulled her into his embrace. "Thank you, Lily," he whispered. "I won't let you down."

* * *

**Author's Note: **I've had this one-shot in my arsenal for a while. I was cleaning out my desktop folders and found this again and decided to post it :) Hopefully it's enjoyable for you all! It only seemed right to have a story about the Mirror of Erised. Please review and let me know what you think!

_xox **KRS**_


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